Fay Fabian (fayfabian) wrote in evilgeniuses,
Fay Fabian

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From Hungary

Hello. I've been trying to take over the world from a hellish little village in northwest Hungary for about four years, but sadly, my worthy attempts still haven't achieved anything resembling success.

I like to have animals carry out the drudgery of my mighty plans since they are often underestimated by humanity and the threat of rebellion against me is minimal. I had all the chickens and swine in my neighborhood brainwashed into becoming my faithful slaves and spies. But then, winter came and the swine were slaughtered for Christmas as Hungarian custom dictates, and all my chickens were killed by fiendish government people who were convinced the birds were carriers of the bird flu.

I'm at the beginning again. I don't know where to go. I live in a pit with only 40 channels on TV, over half in a language other than Hungarian and English, which are the only two I am capable of fully understanding.

What should I do? It was always my dream to group the world's most loathesome people into an enormous prison in the middle of the Sahara desert where I could mock them. I see this dream slipping away... I really want to see Robbie Williams, Ann Coulter, Jerry Falwell, and Randall Terry behind bars along with illiterates, the wilful ignorant, and people who don't wash their hair. I want to witness them all squeal and writhe in agony as I torment them on rebuilt, modernized versions of medieval torture devices.

Wow, that post really made me happy. I feel so much better now. Off to make myself some hot chocolate with those dainty little marshmallows.
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It's the language holding you back. Hungarian.....right up there with Finnish and Estonian. We are doomed.
What do you suggest I do?
Fake a decent german accent.
I maintain that Hungarian is a perfectly valid evil genius accent.

It's the hot chocolate with dainty marshmallows that is cramping style. Most decent supervillains drink espresso or hard alcohol.
Hahaha. I think you have a point.

I can speak just like Dracula and instead of the alchohol and coffee, why don't I just move on over to blood?

Did you know that duck blood is an actual, proper meal here in Hungary? And blood-sausages are excellent too.
Bah!!! There is nothing wrong with the hot chocolate. You just need to have your minions add hard alcohol into it!!!
And then what?
How is getting drunk on hot chocolate infused with hard alchohol going to help me take over the world?

I need... more influence!!! A better brainwashing device!!!
Kudos my good sir, for the brilliant idea of brainwashing seemingly harmless farm animals to do your bidding. I myself have an alliance with american badgers, though they are much more conspicuous than your average hog or water fowl. Very evil, I tip my hat to you.
Thank you for those kind words, my evil friend. They give me the hope needed to continue on with my plans.

Badgers, you say? Those animals smell terrible! What were you planning on doing with a bunch of badgers?